Songs of my Sin

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Eye of the Beholder by J.C.H.©

Intro:
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder,
& every year I'm a little older,
& like flames that refuse to smolder,
I grow bolder.

Verse 1:
I look at you & smile,
If only I could be with you a little while,
& when you look back at me,
What I see,
Makes me want to cry,
So hard that it'll make me die.

Chorus:
In the Eye of the Beholder,
Anyone can see,
& as I get older,
I find that I can be,
Anything I want,
& for everything I can't do,
I'll use everything I need,
To succeed,
To be with you.

Verse 2:
When I slipped,
& fell,
I tightened my grip,
'Cause I lost it all,
Then we met,
& I'll never forget,
The look I saw in your eyes,
As you saw through my disguise.
(To Chorus)

Verse 3:
& every time you called my name,
It made me feel the same,
& every time you'd smile,
It'd drive me wild,
& you still do,
Because I love you.
(To Chorus)

Verse 4:
If you left me,
I'd never fall in love again,
& if you keep me,
I'll never leave your side,
& I promise that if I do you wrong,
I'll be gone,
Forever,
In my Sea of Sorrow,
Where there's never,
A tomorrow,
But how could I betray,
Your trust that way,
Because you know as well as I do,
How much I love you.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Please tell me what you think of it & if you like it, I'll post more later.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Contradicting Emotions ©
By J.C.Harris

Verse 1:
You make me happy and complete,
You make my heart skip a beat,
You are the missing piece of the puzzle that is my heart,
You always know just how to start.
You are the lover who kept me strong,
And willing to go on,
But now on this cold night you left me alone,
I bet you left me for someone, else.
You broke my hopes and sweet dreams,
And it seems, that
You thought it was the right thing to do in your heart,
But in my heart you are nothing but a monster,
Who ripped my heart apart,
Who feeds on my love and dreams,
Or at least so it seems.
So you wish to leave me, then leave!
I can’t take it anymore,
Please leave me!
But you came back and lifted me to the sky,
You made me happy once more,
And you made me cry,
Like never before,
With tears and a grin,
The cycle repeats over and over again.

Chorus:
Over and over again,
The puzzle's complete.
Over and over again,
The puzzle's torn apart.
Over and over again,
My life’s full of defeat.
And you just seem to,
Love to break my heart,
Over and over again.

Verse 2:
Roses for my lover,
Are just another,
Puzzle piece to my heart.
And I can’t figure out where to start,
To put it back together,
To endure this stormy weather,
To win you back,
To give myself a heart attack.
I can’t find you anywhere,
But I don’t care,
If it takes me a hundred years,
To conquer my fears,
I’ll be with you again.
I’ll see you again,
And when I do,
I’ll tell you just how much I love you.

Verse 3:
Heart together,
Lover in my arms,
Such a wicked endeavor,
I’d promised her that she’d never be harmed.
But because of my carelessness,
She died in emptiness,
And now I’ll wander on,
Till my days are gone,
And I’ll follow the setting Sun,
So that I’m the only one,
To have to feel this way,
So that I can stay away,
From this intense pain,
That lingers in my heart.
But because I can’t start to forgive myself,
I lie awake at night,
Throwing away my health.
Put me in your sights,
I need to find a way home,
So that I won’t be alone,
So that I can find you again,
So we can be together again.
When can I live again?
When can I believe again?
When can I be with you forever?
When will I touch the sky?
When will I fly,
With you through the clouds,
And listen to the sounds,
Of the world,
As the night’s unfurled,
As we stare into the dawn,
And all our pain is gone.
When I look into your eyes,
I see the purest skies,
I see what we were,
And what we will forever be.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Heart Broken Hero ©
by JC

Verse 1:
I was reckless,
I was ashamed.
I hate this!
I don’t even know my name!

Chorus:
Bein’ the Heartbroken Hero,
Brings so much sorrow,
If I look like a Zero,
I don’t wanna live tomorrow,
But if I could find a way,
So that you can stay,
By my side,
So that I have nothing to hide,
EVER AGAIN!

Verse 2:
If I could take it all back,
I would.
If it gave me a heart attack,
I could,
Just call out your name,
‘Til I went insane!

Verse 3:
If you shoot me again,
I’ll just come right back.
What did I begin?
Why am I so out of whack?!

Verse 4:
If you came back for me,
What would you say?
If you just wanted to see,
If I’d take you away,
You got the wrong idea!
I don’t even know what to say,
ANYMORE!

Verse 5:
How many lives have I taken?!
How many have I killed?!
My legs won’t stop shakin’.
I’ve gotta re-build,
My life back to the way it was before.
I can no longer ignore you,
Please tell me what to do!

Verse 6:
I used to listen to my heart,
Then I started listenin’ to my head.
Whenever we’re apart,
It feels as if part of me is dead.
& if you leave me to my fate,
Seal it with a kiss,
& I’m still too late,
To do a thing to save you…
So, why,
Must I,
Always leave your side?
Why must I always go for the ride,
With no heart, no mind, no soul?
I need you to fill this hole,
Within me!

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Damnation Through Salvation ©
by James Caramon Harris

Verse 1:
For everything I've done,
To everyone I've hurt,
I've been forgiven,
But I feel lower than dirt.
Because everything I've done,
Makes me feel worse & worse,
& I'm the only one,
Who should bare this curse.

Verse 2:
If only I had turned around,
I would have found,
That I was heading the wrong way,
Just like every other day,
So I turned,
& then I learned,
That all I needed was to be forgiven,
In order to stop livin',
In my lies,
To stop bein',
The one you despise.

Chorus:
All I need to do now,
Is to show you,
Just how,
I feel,
I don't care if you don't believe me,
I just don't want you to leave me.
I deserve your hate,
I don't deserve your cries,
I deserve this fate,
Eaten up by my lies.
But if you could give me one more chance,
To show how I really am,
Nothing's changed at first glance,
But I'm a new man!

Verse 3:
To everyone I let down,
For everything I drove into the ground,
I wish I could take back everything,
But then I would've learned nothing.
Because of me,
There's a million broken hearts,
Because of what I couldn't see,
People's worlds broken apart,
& all this regret,
Has sent me,
To pay my debt,
So that I can see,
The ones I should never forget.

Ending:
& if you could find it in your heart,
The heart I broke apart,
To forgive me,
Don't even bother,
Because you see,
I don't deserve to be shown kindness,
From the ones I hurt,
& I'll make sure I don't hurt anyone again!

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

I Can See Our Love ©
by JamesCaramonHarris

Verse1:
If you need me
I'll be there.
Just call for me
& I'll be at your side.
You may not care,
But I can see
Your hidden pride.

Chorus 1:
If you saw me,
You'd run away.
If you held me,
You'd cry.
If you stay with me,
I know I can do anything
If I try.

Verse 2:
Why am I
Still here?
What should I
Fear?
Why do I
Fall
When I hear you
Call
Out to me?

Verse 3:
How am I
To live my life
This way?
What can I
Do today?
Why do I Cry?

Chorus 2:
I need you more
Now, then ever.
I've loved you more
Than forever.
I've seen you look at me
With that cute little smile,
Singing and laughing
All the while.

Verse 4:
As I enjoy our time together,
I can find a never-Ending story
Within your eyes.
Of all the world's "glory",
Your the greatest suprise.
As I look into
Your eyes,
I can see
The way you feel
About me.

Finale:
And in your eyes,
I see our love.
It's no suprise,
Your in love with me.
You can't lie,
I know you too well.
No matter how hard you try,
I can see inside.
Oh-oh-oh.
I can see our love.
I can see it
Because of you.
I never thought this through.
What can I do?
I love you so much.
I want to keep in touch.
I want to see you face-to-face
One day.
I don't care
If you're a billion miles away.
I'd walk that far
Just to see your face.
And all those miles
I travel,
Even if all my dreams unravel,
I still have you.
And I can still see our love.
Because I love you so much.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Living Prison ©
by James Caramon Harris

I am only a man,
Yet I try to do all I can,
To keep you in my arms.
But no matter how hard I try,
I always seem to cry,
When you leave me alone,
When I run away from home.

I'm searching of you,
But all I can find,
Is that I still love you,
In my heart & in my mind,
& every time I think of you,
I don't know what to do,
Or where I can find you,
Oh, I want to find you!

So set me free,
From my living prison,
Let me be,
There for you.
& please tell me I’m reason,
That you stayed behind,
Before I lose my mind.

How can I fall in love,
If all I know is what I’m told?
How can I fall in love,
If all that I hold dear,
Leaves me?

Please set me free,
Before I lose myself again.
I don’t want to be,
The darker side of me,
But no matter what I do,
I can’t seem to find you.

You set me free,
From my living prison.
Now I can be,
With you forever.
I’m so happy,
That you never,
Gave up on me.
Now I see,
That I needed you,
More than you needed me.
Now I understand,
Why I feel this way,
When I hold your hand,
All I can say,
Is that I know that you love,
Me for who I am,
But I don’t know,
If I can always protect you,
If I can’t,
Then I’ll die with you…

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Lovin' You
By James Caramon Harris ©

Verse 1:
What can I do?
I'm in love with you.
Why can't I be?
The man you see
Before your eyes.
Why can't I
Be what you want
Just because I can't...

Verse 2:
...Be you
I can't
Seem to be
What you want of me
I can't
Be you.
I don't want
Your life
I just want
You to be my wife.

Chorus 1:
If you say "No"
I can take it.
Whatever you throw
I can break it.
Whatever you do
I can't say no to you.

Verse 3:
What did I do
To my beloved you?
What have I done?
What have I become?
It cannot be undone
'Till Kingdom Come.
But you're the only one
Who didn't leave me,
Who believed me,
Who understood
That I could
Do anything
Anything
Anything
As long as I'm with you.

Chorus 2:
If you go
It'll break my heart.
I've gotta know
How to start.
I don't know what to do,
But at least i know,
That I'm in love with you.

Verse 4:
What have you done to me?
Why do I feel so free?
Is this really me?
is it something I can't see?
I'm not what I used to be.
What have i done to
Deserve you?

Chorus 3:
If you say no
I can take it.
Whatever you throw
I can break it.
Whatever you do
Wherever you go
I can't say no to you.
If you go
It'll break my heart.
I've gotta know
How it'll start.
I don't know what to do
But at least I know
I'm in love with you.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Good Charlotte was right,the world is black & hearts are cold;
But there is hope,
Despite what we're told.
We can go back,
But it'll never be the same,
Forever changing,
By the one's we save...

After-Light ©
by James Caramon Harris

We can never lose,
as long as we have the right to choose.
They'll never win,
until we end this for the better,
with this Crimson Letter.
If I could only find,
what is buried in my mind,
I could help save the world,
& let my dreams unfurl.
But as long as we're the chained,
the oppressed, & the drained,
they'll keep trying to hold us down,
until I found out that we can be free from all this calamity.
This is a world that still has some light left in it,
some fight left in it.
A world that can live, that can breathe,
that can forgive, that can believe.
This Crimson Letter covered in blood,
made for hate, given in love,
made to avenge all who've been lost,
but at what cost must we be saved?
Here is my story, here is my song,
to you it may be boring, tedious, & long,
but I live this life every day
& I finally found why I chose to stay...
All the world needs is someone to care,
all it needs is love to bare forth the next light,
& I hope I'll see it tonight.... in the after-light.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

The Inner You ©
By James Caramon Harris
Verse 1:
How can I know
Where you go
When I’m not there everyday?
When I look for every way
But the rightful one
Or the delightful one
Why do I have to choose...

Chorus 1:
The path of the Golden Rose?
This is the path I chose
The way full of briars, bats, and bears,
The way of the Silver Snare,
The Rose I can’t reach,
The Jewel I seek,
The Inner You.

Verse 2:
Every rose has its thorns,
Every bull has its horns,
Everyone has a fear,
Everyone is revered,
Every man has his passion,
Every woman has her fashion,
So we are all the same…

Chorus 2:
What can I do
To reach the Inner You?
How can I
Even hope to try
To be the man
That you think I am?

Verse 3:
How do I reach
The sky?
Lying on this beach,
How can I
Be what you see in me?
How am I awakening?
Finally I found…

Chorus 3:
The Inner You.
How am I such a fool?
What can I do
So that you’ll
Help me to
Find the Inner You?
I see her sitting there
Inside your head
As the sun is shining on your hair
May we be wed?
(To Chorus 1,2,&3)

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Searching (For You)
by James Caramon Harris

Verse 1:
When I fall in love,
I want to be with her always.
In happiness,
To smile with her,
And be the one to hold her near.
In sadness,
To cry with her,
And be the one to dry her tears.
When I fall in love,
I will spend every waking moment
With her by my side,
And catch each moment,
In its eternal form.

Verse 2:
When I fall in love,
I will miss her the moment I say “Goodbye…”
And my heart will yearn for the moment I say “Hello” again.
When I fall in love,
All my old hurts and pains,
Will just fade away,
And I will be strong and brave,
Once again.
When I fall in love,
I want you to be happy,
Always,
& feel like the luckiest of ‘em all.
Because that's what I will felt,
When I fell in love,
With you.

Chorus:
So I’ll keep searching on,
For however long,
That it takes to see you again.
& I will never stop,
I will never quit,
I may lose,
But I’ll never give in.
So I’m searching on & on,
Singing my songs,
Following the footprints,
You left in my heart.
& when I finally find you,
You’ll never be alone,
‘Cause I’ll be there,
To bring you home.
& so I don’t have to remind you,
Until you’re no longer gone,
I’ll just keep searching,
Keep searching on.

Verse 3:
I’m searching,
For you,
I’m lost & confused,
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to abuse you,
But I don’t seem to care.
I don’t want to lose you,
I want you to stay there.
I don’t want to hurt you,
More than I already have,
But I don’t know what to do,
I’m just a worthless man.
But I’ll keep searching on,
No matter how long,
Until I find you again.
I never meant to hurt you,
With everything I said,
Now I just need you,
To make sure I’m good & dead,
So that I’ll never hurt anyone,
The way that I hurt you.
& so that everyone can know that I loved you.
But because of what I did,
I never deserve a thing,
Please take my life,
Please take this pain away!

Ending:
Kill me now,
So you can still live.
I know now,
That there’s no way you can forgive,
Me for what I’ve done,
I no longer deserve to live,
Please make me gone!

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

The Love of a Wolf
By James Caramon Harris ©

Verse 1:
Running as fast as I can,
I don’t understand,
What this is I feel.
My heart I can no longer conceal.
I don’t know what to do,
I’m just trying to find you.
Running on all fours,
I will forever be searching on.
& with my hands on the floor,
I can love again after so long.

Chorus:
Life is full of so much pain,
But I will never feel that again,
As long as I love you,
I can do,
Anything I try.
As long as I love you,
I will never die.
As long as I love you,
I can be anything I set my heart to,
As long as you love me,
I will know what to do,
I will help you see,
Just what it means to be,
Loved the way that you love me.

Verse 2:
Running again,
I don’t know what to say,
I have committed so many sins,
I tried to run away,
But it only made it worse,
Now I am stuck with this curse,
On my mind,
But when I met you,
My sun began to shine,
Anew.
I just wish I knew,
If you love me,
As much as I love you.

Verse 3:
If I could only see,
What you’ve done to me,
What you did,
To release all I hid,
In my heart,
That was tearing me apart.
You set me free,
Now I can see,
That my love for you,
Is as great as your love for me.
If you could only speak the words,
That I wish I had heard from you,
The moment we met,
I don’t know what to do,
But you can bet,
That I will always love you.

Verse 4:
If you wish, we could run away together,
Be there for each other,
Never have to worry,
I won’t ever feel sorry,
For what I’ve told you,
I don’t know what I did,
Or the secrets that I hid,
But I no longer care,
I have nothing to fear,
As long as you love me,
& I’m with you,
Because I love you too.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Brokendown Emotions ©
James Caramon Harris

Verse 1:
Everytime I look at you,
You seem to be
So angry.
Everytime I wondered what to do,
You seemed to know,
But now I've lost you,
& now I'm finally free.

Chorus:
I don't know what I did,
But I know you hate me for it.
I don't care anymore,
Because I've moved on.
I found someone who loves me,
For who I am.
& I don't care if I'm crazy,
You need to understand,
That I broke your heart a kinder way,
Then if you'd found out the truth,
I broke your heart that way,
Because I used to love you.
I made you feel dark inside,
I made you hate me all the time,
But I only did it so you wouldn't find the truth,
I did it because I met someone new,
Who can understand me,
Better than I can myself,
& I'm in love with noone else,
& I'm sorry to break your heart again.

Verse 2:
The only sad thing for you is that I'm still alive,
I don't want Troy see you,
But I'd give my life,
To tell you,
"I'm sorry,
For what I've put you through.
I'm sorry,
For what I did to you.
I wish I could feel,
How much I hurt you.
I wish I could make it all all go away,
I wish I had made you stay,
But I found someone else,
But now I'm so confused....
(Go To Chorus)

Verse 3:

Now I understand,
Why you hate me.
Now I know,
Why I couldn't see,
What was right in front of my eyes.
I wish I could let you see,
Under my disguise.
I wish I could let you be,
But now I wanna die.
I'm more angry at myself,
Because I found someone else.
& I love her with all my heart,
Not even a country can keep us apart.
I love her,
The same way I used to love you,
But I messed it up,
& now we're through,
But I still have feelings,
Running down my cheeks,
All these feelings,
Do they make me weak?
I don't understand,
What's wrong with me,
But all I know is that I can't seem,
To figure out,
Why I feel this way.
If I knew how you felt,
If I understood anything you'd say,
Things wouldn't be this way."
Maybe if I understood myself,
I wouldn't be in this mess.
Maybe if I'd stayed,
I wouldn't've had to confess.
(GO TO CHORUS)

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

DEATH FOR LIFE by J.C. Harris (c)

Verse 1:
If I die,
Before you wake,
Will you cry,
Before I take,
All your pain,
& all your hate?
Nothing's the same,
I can't seem to wait.

Chorus 1:
if i die,
Will it make u stay?
Or will it just,
Push u farther away?
If my death will make u stay,
Then i'll gladly give my life away.
If my life will make u stay,
Then I'll never throw it away.

Verse 2:
Have you felt like crying was a crime?
Have you ever felt you can't take any more?
Have you ever felt you've run out of time?
My hearts aching more than it ever has before,
& I need someone to get me back,
Someone to put me back on track.

Chorus 2:
If my death will make you stay,
Then I'll just give it away.
If you want me to die,
Just give me the word.
If it'll make you cry,
My voice won't be heard.
If you want me to die,
All you need is say the word.

Verse 3:
All I needed was a little love,
But look what it did to me,
I love everyone,
So I can't see,
If I truly love you,
So now I'm alone & afraid,
I'm going insane.

Chorus 3:
If you want me to go,
I'll leave.
If you tell me "No.",
I'll believe.
If you want me dead,
Then I'll die.
If you stroke my head,
I'll get high.
If you want me to stay,
All you have to do,
To keep me this way,
Is say "I love you."

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

What I Did



When I was young
I was dumb
And I never told anyone
About my time in the sun
Just a year ago
I don't know
Why I did it,
Why I hid it,
Or why I tried to get rid of myself.

I was suicidal.
I was homicidal.
I was there,
But now I don't care.

Several years ago
I didn't know
What was wrong with me.
But now I see.
Even though I'm here
Next to you,
I'm trapped by my fear.
But at least your here
With me.

I used to be a pervert.
I used to be a saint.
I used to pretend I was what I ain't.
I did what I did
I lay in wait
I ran and hid
And sealed my fate.
& ifd tomorrow's like today,
In any way,
Well all I can say,
Is that I've had a bad day.

Please,
Don't leave me here,
Surrounded by my fear,
As I fall down,
& noone's around,
& my fears up to here,
My life is what I do here.
Can I make friends,
Before it all ends?
Hiding in the dark,
Running to the end of my chain,
I bark,
& it starts to rain.
Running from my strife,
I end my life,
& that's the way it ends...

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

Hell to Heaven (c)
by James Caramon Harris
Death Half:
Someone's gonna die,
Someone's gonna die,
Someone's gonna die,
& it's not gonna be me!

Kill one, there's always someone who sees.
Kill them all & no one's free,
Just bound in the Flames,
Throw 'em in the fire...
Throw 'em in the fire.
Throw 'em in the fire,
& watch 'em burn!

Now they;re sleeping in Hell.
Sleeping in Hell,
Sleeping in Hell,
With no way out.
Laying in the Flames,
Crying in the Shadows,
Running away,
Now they die again.

Life Half:
Fall,
Fall on your knees.
Call,
Call out to me.
& I'll be there for you,
I'll be ever true.
Just call my name,
& my beast you'll tame,
Forever yours,
Forever I'll endure,
Whatever you want to do to me.

Winter, Spring, Summer, & Fall,
No matter when, I'll give you my all.
Morning, Noon, & Night,
I've got you in my sights.
& on I follow you,
& on I'll stay true,
& on I'll forever be,
The way you want me, to be.

Final words I say,
Just like yesterday,
The last thing I do,
When I'm with you,
Is say three little words,
That need to be heard,
& when I say them,
When I finally do,
Those three little words are:
"I love you."

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

If You Need Me(I'll Be There) (c) by J.C.Harris
Verse 1:
The farther I'm away from you,
The more I don't know what to do.
& when I see your face,
It makes my heart race.
& when I see your smile,
I feel like I'm flying.
& in a little while, I'll e crying,
Because I can't be with you,
Right now,
But I will be in a little while.
& I'll show you,
Just how much you mean to me.
Chorus 1:
& if you ever need,
A shoulder to cry on,
If you ever need,
Someone,
If you ever need me,
I'll be there for you,
Then I'll see,
What I can do,
'Cause if you ever need me,
I'll be there for you.
Verse 2:
Everyday that we're apart,
I can feel my heart,
Cracking,
About to explode.
I know what I'm lacking
Something, but I don't know what.
Chorus 2:
I need you,
To take away my pain.
I need you,
To be with me again.
The longer we're apart,
The more I can feel my heart,
Breaking.
& now I'm shaking,
Off my disguise.
I'm no longer telling lies,
But noone can here my cries,
But you.
So please save me,
So that I can be,
There.
If only you could see,
How much you mean to me.
& no matter what I turn out to be,
I'll be there,
If you need me.

[Siegfried Schtauffen]

OUT OF IT (c) by J.C. Harris
Verse1:
I dont know if I should open up soon,
And allow for pain again,
Or if I should stay out on my own,
Not letting anyone in,
What should I do?
I love you so much,
I don't understand,
I miss your touch,
Holdin' your hand,
I want to run away,
I want to forget,
About everything,
I want out of it all now.
Verse2:
 Could this be the real me?
When I talk to you i feel so free!
& whenever u smile,
My heart skips a beat.
If I could be with you a little while,
It would surely be a treat.
When i find out someday
Who i really am,
I'll thank u as much as i can.
But till i figure out what to do,
Please remember that if u need me i'll b there,
'Cuz i love u...
Chorus:
I can't seem to understand,
Why I feel this way,
When I'm with you,
I want you to stay,
By my side,
But when you hold my hand,
I know what I thought is true,
I'm out of it,
Because I'm in love with you.
Verse 3:
Why am I so confused?
Why do I feel so used?
Why am I this way?
It's getting worse than yesterday...
I wish I could understand,
What you want from me.
But i am just a man,
Who can't seem to see,
What you need...
(CHORUS)
Verse 4:
If my head was clear,
I'd prob'ly understand,
What made me fear,
Being the way I am.
I don't understand,
Why I feel this way,
When UI hold your hand,
I want you to stay,
With me,
So I can finally see,
What you've done to me.
I'm so out of it!
(CHORUS)